TRICHOTI-WHAT? : WHAT IS TRICHOTILLOMANIA?

To start out this fun little lesson, I'd like to show you two very deceiving photos of me.

No, they aren't photoshopped. That's not why they are deceiving. 

I'll show you two less deceiving photos.

If it isn't obvious enough, I am basically forced to partake in the trend of filling in my brows. Not that I don't enjoy it, because I do. It's like art to me, making them look the same and be perfectly to my liking. But I don't 100% do it because I want to. I kind of have to. 

The last two photos aren't actually as bad as they have been, and probably will be again in the future. A closer look will show you a lack of the "outer tail" of both my eyebrows, as well as gaps both on the top and the bottom of them. No, I did not go crazy with my tweezers - I pulled them out with my fingers. 

Trichotillomania is (defined by google, because I can't word it as well as they can) "a disorder that involved recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out body hair". For a lot of people with Trichotillomania, it's the hair on their head that they incessantly pull out, but for me, it's always been my eyebrows. 

I don't even remember when I started doing it. People would notice me doing it and ask me to stop, and I get told all the time it's uncomfortable to watch, or get asked if it hurts. No, it doesn't. It actually brings me a disgusting amount of satisfaction to pull the hairs from my eyebrows, especially when I get all the way up to the follicle. I do it when I'm anxious, most of the time, but sometimes I'm just bored and I do it. 

This makes growing out my eyebrows nearly impossible. And that's when many people say "then just don't do it!"

I wish it were that easy!!!

I go through periods when I don't do it, but once I start up again that's it...I will most likely completely destroy at least one eyebrow. Once it's halfway gone, I tell myself that I might as well destroy the rest. Then it's so messed up that I want to cry and in a frenzy, run to go fill it in to see just how bad the damage is. And the cycle continues.

It definitely sucks that I feel like I can't be seen without my brows filled in, but it also motivates me to try and resist the urge. 

I guess I wanted to write this because I know a lot of people don't understand why people do it, or why they can't just stop, and to get it out there that it IS a real thing! 

(Shoutout to Anastasia Beverly Hills DipBrow Pomade in medium brown for saving my life time and time again)

(I also can't believe I am putting those photos up because to me, it's super embarrassing)