How I Meditate

I have always been an extremely spiritual person. I didn't always know what that meant (in general or to me personally), but looking back I have never felt like I have been without it. Some people turn to religion in the same way I turn to spirituality - it is a way to find peace.

A huge part of my own personal spiritual journey is meditating. I am by no means an expert, and I firmly believe I have MUCH more to learn about this practice, but it has helped me in various ways. As someone with anxiety and panic attacks, the ability to meditate can help to alleviate those circumstances. But meditation is something EVERYONE should practice - not just if you feel stressed or anxious. It's something to learn to make a part of your every day!

A lot of people claim they are unable to meditate, and before I started I always assumed I would do it wrong or I'd get bored before I could truly find the inner peace I wanted to achieve. However, there is no right or wrong way to meditate. There are steps you can follow in order to make your meditating more successful, but the way you choose to relax is never wrong.

A lot of people also claim that meditation is useless. While opinions are always valid and accepted, meditation actually has a lot of benefits:

• Calms anxiety and/or stress
• Can help lower blood sugar
• Slows down heart rate and blood circulation
• Helps with well-being
• Allows one to understand their own mind
• Brings peace internally 

So again, this is the knowledge I personally have on meditation and some of the steps I find are best for me when I sit down to do it. I am constantly learning and absorbing more, but I thought I would write a quick how-to in case anyone wants to give it a shot. :)

There are 2 "types" of meditation I know about (although sometimes they can be combined as well):

1. Concentration meditation.  I find this to be more difficult sometimes but it is also very beneficial for finding that inner peace. Concentration meditation involves essentially emptying your mind. This entails focusing on one single point - usually people will focus on their breathing but you can also focus on a single word, or a mantra, slow spiritual music, etc. I personally prefer a silent environment when I meditate so I am one to focus on my breath. Whenever your mind begins to wander, bring it BACK to your breathing. 
2. Mindfullness meditation. This one has always felt more natural for me, as my mind tends to move 100 miles a minute. Instead of emptying your mind of all wandering thoughts, actually FOCUS on those thoughts. Don't overthink them or begin to conjure up emotion because of them, just simply note that they are there. This is kind of cool because you can see how your thought process works. We don't usually notice how quickly our thoughts go from one thing to another, or the patterns that may be present. This, I find, helps with inner balance tremendously. 

** You can also try guided meditations, in which you're listening to something or someone! This can be distracting to some due to a person speaking and sometimes chanting, but is super helpful for others!**

I like to combine these two types of meditation for myself. I intend to focus on breathing but I don't force myself back when it wanders immediately. I like to see how my thinking operates, and it sheds light on a lot of different things for me.

With all of that said, here are the steps I use while meditating. When you first start, try to meditate for 2 to 3 minutes. Slowly, as you continue, you will be able to keep your focus longer. I am now up to about 15-20 minutes.

1. Put your phone away! Seriously, make sure it's on do not disturb. There is nothing like finally finding that calm and having your phone go off. Really ruins the moment. 
2. Relax. Try and make sure your mind and body are nice and calm before you begin. You really can't go from feeling insanely stressed to meditation without relaxing a little first.
3. Get comfy & sit. Sit up nice and straight but make sure you are comfortable. You can sit on your bed, the floor, a meditation cushion, etc. 
4. Close your eyes. I think this is the best way to eliminate any distractions and really begin to let yourself get inside your own mind.
5. Breathe naturally. Don't think about it too much. While you are focusing on your breathing, don't try and breathe a certain way. Just breathe like you always do. 
6. Begin focusing on your breaths.  Notice how your body moves in tune with your breathing. Are you taking deep breaths? Shallow breaths? Are you breathing out of your mouth or your nose? 

You can choose to let your mind wander or not, but other than that, it's really all in your hands how you practice! 

There is an awesome guided meditation app that includes a timer called Sattva. It includes chants, music, challenges, virtual group meditating, little bits of wisdom and so much more. The first guided meditation I ever did was called "De Stress" by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who is a humanitarian/spirituality teacher and an ambassador of peace. It was only about 6 minutes long. I personally love this app, but you don't really need any outside tools if you don't want them. There are also YouTube videos with guided meditations you can try if you are having trouble. 

Give it a shot! It doesn't work for everyone but you won't know until you try :)

A YEAR LATER...

Despite my lack of writing in the past year or so, I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and about life.

I'm not going to lie, at 22, I thought I knew it all. I felt like I had everything figured out.

So now, here I am, 23 going on 24, sitting in my bed, covered in paint from some therapeutic painting sessions throughout my day, wondering how in the hell one measly year has taught me so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Now, this isn't going to be a universally helpful post with advice and "things I learned that will totally help you out too!" like I've done in the past. This blog is about things I have learned along the way. And I've accepted that sometimes I learn things about myself and where I'm at personally that others don't relate to and maybe never will.

Therefore, here is a list of things I learned about myself in the year since I've graduated college and began a whole new chapter in my life.

1. I am not looking for a relationship. Geez, for so long I thought that's what I needed and wanted. It was so frustrating when I'd meet a new guy, begin thinking about all of the wonderful possibilities there could be with him, and then be sitting across the table from him wishing I could dash out and run home. There was constantly something wrong with each guy I would date and I began to wonder if I was just too picky or if I was meant to be alone forever. However, I learned (way too many bad dates/relationships later) that no, I was not being too picky. I can't help it if I don't feel a connection or a desire to be with someone. And I was LOOKING. I was actively searching for someone to be with and make a future with instead of living my life and letting that person come along whenever it was fit and we were both ready to find each other. I'm good with being single. I like it just fine. I want to have fun and enjoy my life in whatever way I see fit for me. I feel free. I feel like I have control over my life. Don't get me wrong, if the "one" (although I don't believe there's only one person for you, one "soulmate" - but that's another blog post) were to show themselves tomorrow, or if something just happened to fall into place, then sure. But I'm so done looking. Side note: I'm also really sick of guys always assuming girls want a relationship with them. News flash, we don't.

2. Sometimes, you graduate with your bachelors degree only to realize a month later that you don't want to use it. Okay, well maybe not that I don't want to use it at all, but I sure don't plan on being a therapist or a psychologist like I thought I would. I love psychology, I always have and I always will. But the summer after I graduated, I worked in a summer program at a preschool and I kid you not, one day in and everything I knew about my future was suddenly in a million pieces. I absolutely loved it. I loved the kids, I loved the environment, and not to toot my own horn, but I was damn good at it. Fast forward to a few months later, and I've managed to snag a permanent position as a teaching assistant at that preschool and apply/get accepted to graduate school where I am working to get my masters in early childhood education. Reality and life hit me fast. But I had to grab it and run with it. I had never been so sure of anything, despite it only having been a short amount of time. THAT was where I was meant to be, what I was meant to do. I haven't had one single doubt since that first day at the summer program, over a year later. You don't always find your calling when you think you're going to or when you think you're supposed to. Sometimes it just randomly hits you in the face! Luckily, psychology is a huge part of what I will be doing as a preschool teacher for children with and without disabilities. It feels damn good to know what I want for once.

3. I love where I live. I thought without a doubt that once I graduated and got on my feet that I would be out of New England. California, Florida, anywhere else. I was ready to pack up and get the hell out of Massachusetts. But I have found recently that I love where I live. I love the people, I love the fact that I get to truly experience all four seasons, I love the familiarity. I can't say I'll be here forever, but I wouldn't mind if I was. I am happy here.

4. I'm more forgiving than I give myself credit for. Ironically enough, that post I wrote about that person I swore I would NEVER forgive...yeah, well I did. We hung out a couple times and we cleared the air and the tension has dissipated, but we're not close anymore. We never will be again. But it felt good to just let it go. To say, hey, we both grew up and learned more about ourselves and what happened in the past doesn't define us as people. It wasn't just that person, though. I've found myself reaching out to a lot of people from my past and it has felt really good to feel like all the bad vibes have gone away for good. I still stand by not ever needing to forgive anyone if you don't want to, but I guess it just took me a long time to realize that I actually did want to.

5. I love myself. No matter what, I'm always going to be a ball of anxiety who overthinks everything and needs to relax. I'm always going to wish I was prettier, skinnier, more "interesting", etc, etc, blah blah blah. But you know, I've gotten a handle on my anxiety. I've grown so much more confident than I ever have been. I look in the mirror and I like what I see most of the time. My body isn't perfect, but it's mine and I like to think I work it. I'm a nice person, I'm caring and empathetic and understanding. Sometimes I think I'm kind of funny. And no, I'm not cocky. I'm nowhere close. But I'm slowly realizing that I'm stuck with what I've got and I better love it. So I do.

11 Things I Wish I Knew Before Starting College

As my time in college wraps up (just one week of classes left!) and I prepare to receive my Bachelor's in Psychology, I have really started to think about my four years at my university. Freshman year seems like it was just yesterday (no exaggeration, it really flew by), and that 18 year old girl who stepped onto campus for the first time four years ago is not quite the same, 22 year old young woman that is writing this now. I have learned a lot in school...but not just academically. I have to say, if I were to go back and had a chance to talk to that 18 year old me, I'd have quite a lot to tell her about what I wish I'd known before I started college.

1. You absolutely do not need to limit yourself to one group of friends. When I first started college, I was still a little shy and obviously nervous about this next big step in my life. So when I (rather quickly) found my group of friends, I kind of stopped looking. I had people to hang out with, and they knew people, and that's all I really needed. I had parties to go to, people to eat lunch with, and friends to experience our first big step in independence with. People really find their 'people' freshman year, especially when they're living on campus. So what happens when you find yourself without that initial group you thought you had for life? Well...brings me to my next point.
2. "Close" friends do NOT always mean "good" friends. People betray. They lie, they cheat, they put you down, gang up on you. You could be close to someone for so long, and then find them stabbing you in the back without warning. I always looked at it as such a betrayal...how could they do that to me? Well, they may have been close friends but that did not mean that they were truthful and caring friends. A truly good friend does not intentionally hurt you.
3. Don't slack off freshman year. Every college usually has a max and a min amount of classes or credits you can take per semester. They also probably have the "go-to" amount of classes, that will keep you on track to graduate within four years. For my university, that was 5 classes. If you took 5 classes all 8 semesters, you would graduate no problem. I didn't exactly think that through and ended up taking 4 classes all freshman year instead of 5, and once I hit junior year, I realized I'd have to be squeezing in 6 or more a semester if I wanted to graduate on time with everyone else. Luckily, I managed it, but taking 6 classes plus a lab all in one semester is way more stress than necessary...just take the amount of classes you need! There's always time for parties and sleeping.
4. If you need extra money, try to get a job on campus! I didn't have a job freshman year because the stress of a new environment and harder classes was enough to handle at the time. I wish I'd known I had options on working on campus before I started so I could have been working an extra year. But when I was a sophomore, I knew I needed to start making money again so I could go out with my friends and make a few necessary payments. I knew some people who were waitressing at night, but that seemed like a lot. I applied to a few on-campus jobs (there's on-campus student working & work study...if you don't have work study you can still see if you can work on campus!) and ended up getting one at my university's library. Not only did I get to make money while in school without overwhelming myself, but I ended up working with some of the sweetest people. Sometimes, if I got all my work done early, they let me catch up on homework. Getting this job on campus was one of the best decisions I made in college.
5. You don't have to know what your major is going to be right away. I didn't realize how many people came into college undeclared. When I went to my orientation the summer prior to starting, I was under the impression I had to choose a major right then and there, because everyone had one in mind already! So, without knowing I didn't have to know for sure until my third year, I went and signed up to be a sociology major...without ever having even taken a sociology course. When I completed my first semester and had finally taken a class in my "major", I realized I didn't have much interest in it and definitely did not want to make a career out of it. After a lot of thought (and effort...the process wasn't as simple as it was when I first picked at orientation) I eventually switched my major over to psychology. It was such a weight off my shoulders to know I was finally going to be studying something I found fascinating and could see myself doing for the rest of my life. Had I had the opportunity to go back and know this now, I definitely would have been undeclared until I was sure.
6. Even when you know your major, you don't have to know exactly what you want to do with it. When I had declared my major in psychology and started taking more intensive psychology classes, everyone around me seemed to have a good idea of what they wanted to do with their degree when they got out of school. Therapists, doctors, researchers, etc. I started to kind of panic when I realized I didn't know what I wanted to do with a psychology degree! The more I took classes, I found the topics that interested me and eventually came to the conclusion that I was most taken by psychology in children, abnormal behavior and behavior analysis. But I had to take classes that involved these topics in order to really find my place. Don't feel pressured to decide your entire career future the second you declare a major.
7. Work hard, but don't forget to have fun. And vice versa. There were three major groups I noticed in college. People who partied too much and didn't study, people who studied too much and didn't have any fun, and people who found the perfect balance. I personally think I went in and out of all three of these groups before finally settling right in the middle and learning the art of balance. You'll be both happy and successful if you manage your time.
8. Not everyone finds "the one" in college. I feel like people are always saying that most people find their true love in college. I'm not going to lie, I kind of expected to. My advice: don't expect that. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Either is fine and neither is right. You're not doomed and alone forever if you don't find someone in your four year block at a single university. You have much more time and many more places to explore.
9. Who you were in high school does not always carry over. Really popular in high school? Don't expect it to be the same in college, because it might not be. Same goes for being super unpopular. You could end up having a ton of friends. You have a chance to start over with new people who didn't grow up with you and see you at your most awkward stages. Thank god.
10. The freshman 15 (or more) is a real thing. And doesn't end after freshman year. There's a good chance you have access to a gym if you go to a university. Use it. I can't speak for everyone, but these past 4 years have not been my fittest. I have definitely gained weight from eating too much and too often and not getting my lazy ass to the provided gym. Just remember to stay healthy! Booze can really make you gain some pounds too....whoops!
11. You're going to be just fine. There will be moments where you will feel so overwhelmed, so sad, so stressed out, and you'll really consider giving up. There doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. But there really is. There will be giant bumps in the road but you will get over them. You really will be just fine.

WHY I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU: Why Being Unforgiving IS Okay Sometimes

We’re always taught either ‘forgive and forget’ or ‘forgive but don’t forget’, but why aren’t we ever told ‘don’t forgive and don’t forget’? What about the times when someone doesn’t deserve even a bit of your forgiveness? Why is our strength based on whether or not you can "find it in your heart" to forgive someone? 

I can honestly say that this has very rarely happened in my life. I am a fairly forgiving person — I tend to brush it off my shoulders and move on with my life. I have had people break me or my heart and have eventually realized that I did forgive them; I’d had the time to heal, process and accept. Truth be told, there’s only one person that I know I can never forgive and in my opinion, I have every right not to. I may not forgive someone, but that doesn't mean I'm looking for revenge either. I'm really not.

The thing about betrayal is that the closer the person is to you, the more painful it is. When someone that you told everything to, who knew everything about you, knew your demons and your struggles, and made promises to you that you never imagined they’d break, betrays you, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of you. It’s hard to deal with something like that, especially when it comes out of left field. 

I went through a lot of different phases when this happened to me recently. I cried, I was sad, I was angry, I was numb to it, crazily angry again, and then the indifference set in. Yes, it makes me sad that it happened. It makes me angry that it happened. But I found that I could not stay angry. Well, not that I was incapable. More that I chose not to. It wasn’t worth it…that person did what they did, didn’t attempt to mend it or apologize, and that made them unworthy of my time, thoughts or emotions. Being angry was pointless. 

So to that person: no. I’m not angry with you. But I can never, ever forgive you. 

I doubt you want forgiveness anyway. I mean, the chances that you even realize you were wrong are very slim. You’ll always have your own, twisted side of the story and that’s fine. Getting away was refreshing, and I know that eventually you’ll be nothing but a distant memory. Do I still find myself upset sometimes, confused, wanting to scream? Sure. But all the emotions I have had? They have been bottled up into absolute refusal to forgive you (for the most part). 

We can be told over and over again that when you’re unforgiving, you’re a bad person; that the ‘right’ thing to do is to forgive everyone no matter what they’ve done to you. That forgiveness is what strong people do. I no longer believe that. I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel that I should, and that revelation in itself has been incredibly freeing. 

Don’t forgive someone because you think that you have to. Also, don’t not forgive someone who might deserve it because you’re mad at the moment. It seems confusing but in all honesty, you have to really feel out the situation and find out what’s right for your well being and your mental state. But I do have one suggestion for you: let the anger out, and keep it out. If you aren’t willing to forgive someone, chances are they don’t deserve to take up any of your time anymore. 

TRICHOTI-WHAT? : WHAT IS TRICHOTILLOMANIA?

To start out this fun little lesson, I'd like to show you two very deceiving photos of me.

No, they aren't photoshopped. That's not why they are deceiving. 

I'll show you two less deceiving photos.

If it isn't obvious enough, I am basically forced to partake in the trend of filling in my brows. Not that I don't enjoy it, because I do. It's like art to me, making them look the same and be perfectly to my liking. But I don't 100% do it because I want to. I kind of have to. 

The last two photos aren't actually as bad as they have been, and probably will be again in the future. A closer look will show you a lack of the "outer tail" of both my eyebrows, as well as gaps both on the top and the bottom of them. No, I did not go crazy with my tweezers - I pulled them out with my fingers. 

Trichotillomania is (defined by google, because I can't word it as well as they can) "a disorder that involved recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out body hair". For a lot of people with Trichotillomania, it's the hair on their head that they incessantly pull out, but for me, it's always been my eyebrows. 

I don't even remember when I started doing it. People would notice me doing it and ask me to stop, and I get told all the time it's uncomfortable to watch, or get asked if it hurts. No, it doesn't. It actually brings me a disgusting amount of satisfaction to pull the hairs from my eyebrows, especially when I get all the way up to the follicle. I do it when I'm anxious, most of the time, but sometimes I'm just bored and I do it. 

This makes growing out my eyebrows nearly impossible. And that's when many people say "then just don't do it!"

I wish it were that easy!!!

I go through periods when I don't do it, but once I start up again that's it...I will most likely completely destroy at least one eyebrow. Once it's halfway gone, I tell myself that I might as well destroy the rest. Then it's so messed up that I want to cry and in a frenzy, run to go fill it in to see just how bad the damage is. And the cycle continues.

It definitely sucks that I feel like I can't be seen without my brows filled in, but it also motivates me to try and resist the urge. 

I guess I wanted to write this because I know a lot of people don't understand why people do it, or why they can't just stop, and to get it out there that it IS a real thing! 

(Shoutout to Anastasia Beverly Hills DipBrow Pomade in medium brown for saving my life time and time again)

(I also can't believe I am putting those photos up because to me, it's super embarrassing)

STORY TIME: MY PATH TO FIGHTING MY ISSUES

I considered never speaking directly about myself and my own issues simply because I didn’t know that I wanted everything to be so "public". Obviously I don’t share every detail of my life, but this seemed super personal. But I decided I should talk about it, not only for myself but for anyone else who might benefit from it. 

Everyone is different. Some people have lifelong battles with mental illness, some have chunks of time taken over by it, some have only experienced one major bump in the road, and others have never struggled with it at all.

I’m here to tell you that they are all…well, not “normal” per se, but not particularly abnormal either. You’re not alone if any of those categories seem to fit you to a T. 

Because everyone’s path in life is different, I figured I’d share my personal experience battling my own personal issues. We’ve all got something, and we’ve all got our own story. 

I was a troubled kid. At least at home I was. I got in trouble a lot, fought with everyone, cried and got incredibly angry for no apparent reason, and could never seem to control my emotions from completely taking over. But at school, I was quiet, shy and awkward. I had a hard time making friends early on, and my number one fear in the entire world was having to speak in front of the class. My face would turn bright red, I would forget how to breathe, and words would be cut off while I gasped for the air I was lacking from the nerves building up inside of me.

Traumatizing was an understatement every time I had to speak up, or got called on, or even had to get paired off into partners. I remember wanting to get up and run away if everyone had a partner and nobody wanted to be mine. 

At night, I would be upset and cry and dread going to school, but dread being at home too because I was constantly in a fight with my parents. 

Time went on, and it wasn’t until sophomore year of high school that things started to make more sense. I don’t remember a lot about that year because I seemed to have blocked it out of my memory completely. But I know that was my first long and serious period of depression. I was in such a funk, but thought I was doing a great job of hiding it. But apparently I wasn’t, because my best friend picked up on it. I didn’t know what to tell her, because I didn’t actually KNOW what was wrong. I didn’t think I had depression, I just thought I was in a long term bad mood. I was sick of high school, and the people around me. That was all.

I came out of it, though. But freshman year of college, it happened all over again. My friends would have to drag me out of my bed, which I laid in in my pitch dark room in the middle of the day. They thought I didn’t like them anymore, but I didn’t know how to explain to them that that wasn’t it at all, I just didn’t know what was wrong and all I knew is that I wanted to be alone and sleep. 

It was around this time that I started to know that this, along with my crippling anxiety about almost everything, was a problem. The only time I didn’t have that anxious, butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling was when I was asleep. I woke up with it, and fell asleep with it. 

I finally decided to tell my mom. I felt relief that I was finally putting some of it into words, and even better, she understood. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t abnormal. And I could fix it. I didn’t HAVE to live like this! 

I went to a doctor, explained how I felt, and was prescribed Zoloft. I’ve been on it ever since. It significantly reduces my anxiety, and I haven’t had a long-term, major depressive episode in a long time. I still get down, I still get anxious, I still want to be left alone sometimes. But the difference is phenomenal. If I don’t take my medication two days in a row, I can tell. Everyone around me can tell, because I feel myself falling back into the mess I was before it.

Now, medication isn’t for everyone at all. Some people benefit more from therapy, and other methods of coping with their problems. But for me, this has helped me more than I could ever explain.

Whatever your problems are, there’s something or someone out there to help you. You don’t have to live miserably. You are not your problems, and your problems do not own you.

How To: Knowing What Friends To Keep Around

*Requested & in response to “How To: Rid Yourself of Sh*tty Friends”*

So you’ve learned how to spot those toxic—no good — sh*tty friends. Maybe you’ve officially removed them from your life, and now you’re only left with a handful (or less) of friends.

I spoke before about how I got rid of a lot of bad friends I was keeping around just for the sake of it. Nobody wants to say “Hey, I only have 2 friends!”. But like I’ve said before, and many people before me, a few good friends is so much better and more important than a bunch of fake ones.

I have a handful of friends. I’m not someone who has a lot of them anymore, and I’m okay with that. Not only have I figured out what makes a toxic friend, but I’ve also come to realize what makes a REALLY GOOD FRIEND (I’m gonna call those my good ole RGFs).

What makes someone an RGF and worth keeping around?

1. They make you feel good about yourself. You never leave after being with them feeling down about yourself, like you might with a toxic friend. In fact, you might just feel the opposite. They’re encouraging, shut down all your insecurities and tell you how great you are when you feel like you’re falling apart.
2. They care to ask how you are even when you don’t want to talk. Maybe you’re sending out depressing tweet after depressing tweet, or haven’t answered your texts in a while, making it seem like you’ve fallen off the face of the earth. Most people tend to think that means you want to be completely left alone. And maybe you do. But an RGF will be there if you need to talk, and let you know that. They’ll send a text saying they are there if you need to talk, even if they know you won’t reply. Even a simple, ‘how are you doing’ can make the world of a difference when it feels like you have nobody by your side.
3. You can go days without talking, but it doesn’t change a thing. There are friends you talk to every single day, but what about those ones that you don’t see often, and sometimes don’t even talk to every week? There are some people that if you haven’t talked in a while, you start to grow apart. But an RGF can be someone that even if you haven’t talked in a long time, you’re closer than ever and they will always be there when you need them. You don’t have to constantly be talking or hanging out in order for them to be a good friend. Low-maintenance friends are just as good in my book.
4. They’re always looking out for your best interest. They want to see you succeed, not fail. They urge you to do what’s best for you, and aren’t selfish about it. Don’t stick around someone who is trashing your dreams and aspirations, or someone who fills your mind with fears and doubts. Encouragement and honest advice is a quality you need in a RGF.
5. They’ll always be on your side. No double agents allowed! Even if you make a mistake, they don’t leave your side. They are honest with you, sure, but they're still there at the end of the day because they know the true you and your true intentions. They don’t betray you, turn on you, or kick you while you’re down. They stand up for you, and help you stand up for yourself.
6. Your fights are nonexistent, insignificant and/or only make your friendship stronger. Believe it or not, there are friends I have never fought with. But some of my RGFs and I have gotten into arguments, but that didn’t tear us apart. Maybe we both realized how stupid it was, or we weren’t willing to let it get in the way of our friendship. And many times, getting into these arguments can actually make your bond stronger. This is especially true if you feel as though both of you are holding things in that need to be let out.
7. You can be completely yourself with them. They know the weirdest and worst sides of you. You don’t have to put on a facade, you are entirely yourself when you’re with them and you don’t feel the need to pretend to be anything else. And they feel the same way with you. It takes a RGF to see the sides of you you tend to hide from everyone else, and still want to be your friend.
8. They take care of you. This can be mentally, physically, or whatever ways they choose to show they care. There have been times I was way too drunk, and my good friends sacrificed the rest of their night to make sure I drank enough water, had my hair held back when I threw up, and got safely into bed. Or when I got dumped and needed someone to come lay with me and put on a sappy movie while we ate our weights in junk food.
9. You can always be completely honest with each other. Honesty and cruelty are two very different things. You can be honest without being mean and that’s what an RGF knows how to do. “I might try a different top!” is a lot nicer than “That shirt looks terrible on you”. If you don’t like their new significant other, “You deserve someone who treats you right” is a much better option than “I hate them, and you’re stupid for staying with them.” Not only are they able to deliver the truth nicely, but they are also not afraid to hold back. Don’t lie and say they look good when you know they don’t. Don’t tell them you like their significant other just to please them. Honesty is the best policy!
10. You can’t imagine life without them in it. Simple as that.