There comes a point when you begin to realize someone you are friends with is causing you more harm than good.
Maybe they make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe they thrive off of drama. Maybe you see the way they treat others badly. Maybe they talk badly behind your back, or about others to you, giving you a good idea that they’re probably saying things about you to other people.
Whatever your reasoning is, if you think someone is a bad friend and you know it isn’t worth keeping them around, here’s what you gotta do: get rid of them.
Okay, okay, so it doesn’t seem that simple. But the thing is…it kind of is.
I had a friend, let’s call her Samantha. Samantha and I were close friends for a number of years, and for the most part we got along great. We had our squabbles and little fights, but nothing too detrimental. However, as time went on, I began to pick up on little things and the more I noticed, the seemingly worse they got. She would make little comments to bring me down (with the excuse of “I’m just being honest!”…okay, but if I ask you if I look ugly, and you say no, but then tell me all my physical flaws regardless, I’m going to feel pretty bad) or get mad at me out of nowhere, and not tell me what I’d done. I would hear from mutual friends that she was talking about me, and when I’d confront her about it she would lie to my face. She got angry all the time, upset about nothing. She left me out if she had the chance, and would manipulate others when I’d get in fights with other friends because she really, truly thrived off of drama, even if it wasn’t her own. She always wanted to be on top - she wanted to be better than me, just because of her own insecurities.
I put up with Samantha for years. I’d always end up apologizing even when I’d know I hadn’t done anything wrong, because I didn’t like to fight. I tried yelling at her, but that never worked, I tried talking to her nicely and that didn’t work. Nothing worked. And all I would do is dread being around her, and have to pretend everything was alright in order not to cause myself any more stress about it.
But eventually, it just really got to me. I thought about all the horrible things she’d done, how badly she would try to make me feel, and how much of a truly terrible, selfish, manipulative friend she really was. And I’m not going to lie… I snapped.
So one day, I said enough is enough, and I told her I was done with her and could no longer be her friend. She hit me with every insult or jab that she could, but I didn’t care anymore. I’d figured her out. And I knew I would soon be free of her.
In this same span of time, I got rid of a lot of very toxic people around me. I was left with maybe 2 or 3 really good friends I could trust. At first it felt lonely and I almost missed having a big group of friends even if I was miserable when they were around. But I really thought about it, and as cliche as it sounds, I would so much rather have a few good friends, than a bunch of fake ones.
Sometimes you have to put yourself first. We’re kind of taught not to at times, that we shouldn’t be selfish. But with your relationships with other people, if they’re not making you feel good and aren’t benefiting you in anyway, it’s time to be selfish. It’s time to say, you know what, I matter more than what you make me feel sometimes.
It’s hard. it’s hard to say goodbye to a friend you shared some good memories with. But in the end, it is so worth it. It’s freeing. You feel like you can breathe again, like you’ve cleaned out all the dirt and muck you were covered in.
If there’s someone you know like this, do yourself a favor and step away. If I’ve learned anything in my life so far, it’s that people don’t change. And if they do, it’s not because you wanted them to. You cannot make anyone change. They have to want to.
So say goodbye to those terrible friends, and find people who make you feel as good, if not better, of a person as you are.
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